Conversations With Boo Boo: "The Daddy"

Me: So...wow...I mean you're here!

Boo Boo: Well yeah I mean I was in there in mommy's tummy and everything...and then...now I'm here with you. I do have some questions though. You are the daddy right?

Me: I am.

Boo Boo: So the daddy, tell me something...

Me: It's actually just "daddy." You can drop the "the" in front of it.

Boo Boo: Okaaaay...well I guess I have a new question then...

Me: Of course! I am here to teach you everything you need to know about the world.

Boo Boo: Right...well....like 7 seconds ago I asked you if you were "the daddy" and you said what?

Me: I said I was but...

Boo Boo: And now you're not?

Me: It's complicated...you see...

Boo Boo: What kind of game is being played here the daddy?

Me: Game?

Boo Boo: Nevermind...let's go onto something else. Let me see...what was it I wanted to ask you? I'm still a little banged up from being...you know...in there...

Me: Right...yeah...that must have been pretty wild in there....

Boo Boo: Dude...it was god damn ridiculous.

Me: Whoa whoa...you're like (looks at watch) zero years old my friend...don't you think that's a little much with the language?

Boo Boo: Well maybe someone should have thought about that before swearing like a sailor the last nine months. You think mommy's tummy is made out of poured concrete?

Me: Christ....I guess you're right.

Boo Boo: See? Jesus...talk about the pot calling the kettle....

Me: Okay, okay...I get it. Go on with your question...

Boo Boo: Like I was saying (rolls eyes)...I have some questions about these other people I've been hearing about.

Me: Sure...hit me.

Boo Boo: Those two over there (points with great apprehension to Ginger and Lucy), I'm their younger brother right?

Me: Yeah....that's right and they are very excited to be your older sisters.

Boo Boo: And that's like a done deal? There's no wiggle room there?

Me: Yeah...you see...you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives. It is what it is.

Boo Boo: You say that a lot.

Me: What?

Boo Boo: "It is what it is."

Me: How long were you in there anyway?

Boo Boo: What can I tell you the daddy? There's not much to do in there besides eavesdrop on conversations. I was bored. Nine months is a long time. It's actually ten months...no one tells you that until you get pregnant though.

Me: That's true (scratches head)...

Boo Boo: Anyway, what about these guys at your office. Is the Iceman really made of ice?

Me: He is a stoned-cold digital assassin...but no...he's not actually made of ice...his name is Matt Mattice but we call him that because he's really good at his job and there was this movie with Tom Cruise back in the day...

Boo Boo: Tom Cruise is a guy works with you too?

Me: No...but that would be awesome...well sort of...

Boo Boo: Is "Parker" and "Andrew" the same person?

Me: Yes...I sometimes call people by their last name only.

Boo Boo: He makes inappropriate jokes sometimes.

Me: Yes...yes he does.

Boo Boo: That one he told about the (tells unmentionable joke).

Me: I mean...Boo Boo...my Go-sh (close one) you gotta take it easy...if your mother hears that...we're both going to be eating non-chewable food...mine out of a feeding tube.

Boo Boo: Fair enough. So what exactly do you guys do at the office?

Me: Well...we make things. Digital things....for people.

Boo Boo: Is that your sales pitch big guy? Boy...I better figure out another plan for college tuition.

Me: I am trying to boil it down for you so you can understand.

Boo Boo: Sure the daddy....sure.

Me: Are we done here?

Boo Boo: I guess so...I just crapped my pants again for the 18th time today so we might as well pivot onto that project unless you having something else going on.

Me: Let's go talk to "the mommy."