Ginger Q & A: The Christmas Tree
After procuring the family Christmas tree (and by "procuring" I mean paying a fortune to a very savvy woman from Quebec who sold me a tree that under no cirmcumstances should a man of my height, weight and "out-of-shape-factor" been hauling home) - Ginger took a hard look at the thing....
After jotting down a few notes, she sat down, turned to me a presented her list of questions. For those who have not seen her in a while - Ginger's cognitive skills have jumped to that of a precocious college student...
Ginger: So Dad....there's like a tree in the living room. What's up with that? You said trees are outside...I was there.....like two days ago.....you said in that silly voice you use when talking to people my age 'Look Ginger.....TREEEEE....outside.....'. Now there's a tree in our living room....not outside. Wtf?
Dad: Well sweety....you see this is a Christmas tree. Every year around this time people get a tree, they decorate it and then on Christmas morning Santa comes and gives you presents if you've been good.
Ginger: (Shaking her head now in exhuastive mental distress) Hoolllllllllllld on a second.....let's start from the beginning. Sounds like you made a jump to this "Christmas" thing and this "Santa" guy without even attempting to define your terms. Tell you what....pretend I'm like....a year old....and I don't know anything about this whole Christmas thing or Santa or any of that....you with me? Okay...go.....
Dad: Right...okay...good point. Let's see....so Christmas is a holiday celebrated on December 25th every year and it honors the day Jesus of Nazareth was born. The birth of Jesus, which is the basis for the anno Domini system of dating, is thought to have occurred between 7 and 2 BC. December 25 is not thought to be Jesus' actual date of birth, and the date may have been chosen to correspond with either a Roman festival, or with the winter solstice....
Ginger: (Whistles to interrupt Dad)...yo...big guy...this is fascinating...really....(rolls her eyes) but if you recall I am still a toddler here and in about 35 seconds I am going to lose any kind of focus and move onto something less instructive like trying to wedge my finger into the socket again...so let's skip to the part about presents....that sounded good.
Dad: Right....well....to make a really long story short.....if you have been good this last year, Santa rewards you by bringing you presents on Christmas morning....which is a couple weeks away.
Ginger: "This last year?" That's like my whole life there pops....are you saying that in order to get these "presents" I had to be good for "my entire life." How about a heads up on that day 1? You think I would have cried continuouslly for the first six weeks of my life if I had known this present thing was in play? I was just messing with you guys....and now my goodness-to-presents-ratio is going in the toilet because you forgot to tell me this whole deal was in play?
That's not fair....no sir. Is there like a Kaplan class I can take to get my score up? Can we get a private tudor? I need to nail this thing. I expect you to take care of this pronto Dad....now put me down...and take that plastic thing off the socket....I got fingers to wedge in there...
After jotting down a few notes, she sat down, turned to me a presented her list of questions. For those who have not seen her in a while - Ginger's cognitive skills have jumped to that of a precocious college student...
Ginger: So Dad....there's like a tree in the living room. What's up with that? You said trees are outside...I was there.....like two days ago.....you said in that silly voice you use when talking to people my age 'Look Ginger.....TREEEEE....outside.....'. Now there's a tree in our living room....not outside. Wtf?
Dad: Well sweety....you see this is a Christmas tree. Every year around this time people get a tree, they decorate it and then on Christmas morning Santa comes and gives you presents if you've been good.
Ginger: (Shaking her head now in exhuastive mental distress) Hoolllllllllllld on a second.....let's start from the beginning. Sounds like you made a jump to this "Christmas" thing and this "Santa" guy without even attempting to define your terms. Tell you what....pretend I'm like....a year old....and I don't know anything about this whole Christmas thing or Santa or any of that....you with me? Okay...go.....
Dad: Right...okay...good point. Let's see....so Christmas is a holiday celebrated on December 25th every year and it honors the day Jesus of Nazareth was born. The birth of Jesus, which is the basis for the anno Domini system of dating, is thought to have occurred between 7 and 2 BC. December 25 is not thought to be Jesus' actual date of birth, and the date may have been chosen to correspond with either a Roman festival, or with the winter solstice....
Ginger: (Whistles to interrupt Dad)...yo...big guy...this is fascinating...really....(rolls her eyes) but if you recall I am still a toddler here and in about 35 seconds I am going to lose any kind of focus and move onto something less instructive like trying to wedge my finger into the socket again...so let's skip to the part about presents....that sounded good.
Dad: Right....well....to make a really long story short.....if you have been good this last year, Santa rewards you by bringing you presents on Christmas morning....which is a couple weeks away.
Ginger: "This last year?" That's like my whole life there pops....are you saying that in order to get these "presents" I had to be good for "my entire life." How about a heads up on that day 1? You think I would have cried continuouslly for the first six weeks of my life if I had known this present thing was in play? I was just messing with you guys....and now my goodness-to-presents-ratio is going in the toilet because you forgot to tell me this whole deal was in play?
That's not fair....no sir. Is there like a Kaplan class I can take to get my score up? Can we get a private tudor? I need to nail this thing. I expect you to take care of this pronto Dad....now put me down...and take that plastic thing off the socket....I got fingers to wedge in there...
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